Oh. My. Goodness. This is SO spot-on. I can't even tell you how seen/heard I feel. Thank you for articulating this crossroads so beautifully. I'll be quoting it for months to come as I navigate this transition of my own.
I moved to NYC right out of college in 2009. The Ivy League school to "pick-me" corporate pipeline was so real—and it wasn't until the pandemic that I was able to take a step back from a fast-paced marketing role at a hyper-growth startup and ask myself whether these were corporate ladders I even wanted to be climbing.
It's been an ongoing journey. Grateful for voices like yours that help others feel less alone! 💕
totally an ongoing journey. thank you for reading and sharing. I am still super curious as to why now seems like the big transition point for so many, will have to keep digging. But I think for a lot of people the pandemic reinforced survival mode in a way, and now a few years out, it feels like a lot of folks truly breathe and do this reassessment with more distance from the chaos of it all. curious what you are doing now? <3
I wish I had the answer—just wrote about it in my first Substack, too, so it's def top of mind! I think for so many of us, the pandemic put things into perspective and showed us what a slowing down and realignment of priorities could look like without work at the center—without the constant "shoulds" about our careers. I agree with you that we're sort of collectively processing now that we've had time away from the chaos.
I'm currently writing a book (a YA novel) and doing some marketing/content/social consulting on the side. I may end up back in-house at some point, but am so grateful for the time and space to regroup on my own terms!
I’ve never felt like a millennial before until now. I’m on the cusp between generation X and millennial, but millennials weren’t defined yet when I was young. I rebelled early and went into freelance theater and film production and followed my passion. But in school I was a very high achiever. I always wondered why my career seemed to stall, when I finally chose it but literally 9/11 happened and all production left NYC and everything changed. Then the 2008 recession happened, and I felt bad for the new graduates but I had 7 years of experience to lean on so I was doing ok, but I was still paying off student loans, so I could never buy even the tiniest place.
Decades later, moving out of the big city worked for me. Scaling down the big dreams after achieving what I thought I wanted makes me very happy. I have a 1 bedroom townhouse with a tiny mortgage, that I luckily bought months before the pandemic.
If it’s right for you, you don’t miss it after you leave, and if you do you can always go back.
I love this: "If it’s right for you, you don’t miss it after you leave, and if you do you can always go back."
Because I think as millennials, also, we were so fixated on making the RIGHT decisions and there was this intense belief that if we went one way, everything in our lives would change course forever. But life doesn't work that way, to your point! You can experiment, move, try new things, scale down, rebuild in a new direction and RETURN if you want/need to. Obviously, much hustle required to make that return, but if any generation can do it, it's us.
Thank you for sharing your story and reminding me, and anyone who reads this, that the focus should be on figuring out what YOU need at any given time and what makes you happy, and that there's no harm in changing your mind on the other side, if that day ever comes!
Oof, this newsletter hit me straight in my millennial heart. I've been going through a similar awakening after 7 years limping along having a full-time in tech + writing books. I can truly confirm that most people I know in NYC are at the cusp of it as well. Feels like a true reckoning!
omg the phrase “limping along” - so good. truly encapsulates what the chase can feel like when it isn’t fulfilling in and of itself and instead we are just pursuing the identity it brings or the credibility it gives us. glad to hear you feel like you’re coming out of it and so are those around you! i think that second part is important because we are so influenced by our peers and what they want and value. so if our peer group is in this larger awakening and transition, it gives everyone the inspiration and permission to have their individual reset versus feeling guilty or crazy or lazy or whatever 🫡🖤
This is very insightful and spot on! I spent 2023 resetting my entire life after having a baby and having no way to bridge my previous hustle life with being a parent. It’s embarrassing it took that extreme of a change to even consider the sustainability of that life.
2 years later I’m in a very different, fulfilling and pleasurable place.
LOVE THAT FOR YOU. totally hear you re: how tf do I bridge this massive change with my old life??? and feeling like, why did it take THIS EVENT to find a pace that's more sustainable and peaceful? but i think a lot of people don't "break" or make a significant shift until things get SUPER unmanageable, they hobble along in the middle, dealing with mild misery. It's much harder to make a big change when things are mediocre, much easier to make a big change when things feel completely off or impossible to reconcile!!!! excited for your new chapter! and TY for reading Sara!
This was a great piece. You nailed it and I think a lot of millennials are going thru this phase. I agree that 2020 started a collective reset. I think it will keep growing.
I love your writing style and as a Gen-Z person this put a lot of the economy and societal trends into perspective for me. I write a lot about struggling with the job market, cost of living, not being able to move out of family home, etc. It's interesting to see where and how a lot of this started, 2008 and 9/11 definitely make sense. I wrote my English senior thesis on "Millennial Literature" and read a lot of "Kids These Days" -- Harris's writing is marvelous and the book was very eye-opening for me. I'm writing a post soon about anti-work books and I'd love to quote your summary of KTD.
I am also happy to read the news that a lot of millennials are stopping this nonsense! I think my generation is pretty equally split between not caring as much abt work while also still grinding like mad because it's so competitive, but philosophically I think most/a lot of us want to do what's best for how we feel, whether it's picking an industry we actually like, or if we're just working for money, at least ensuring we're getting paid and treated fairly, etc. looking forward to more of your work! i like how you change up form and work in quotes and other articles/books.
Femcel! First of all, ok - I adore your newsletter focus and your writing. It reminds me a lot of my early-to-mid-20s grind and the loop of lightly misanthropic thoughts I had playing in my head at all times, but also all the insane adventures I had and the creativity and humor and glee and anger and frustration and horniness and everythingness I felt inside me at all times. You are SO talented and hysterical and raw and I too really look fwd to more of your work.
I graduated with 40k+ in student debt, secured a 30K a year job in media out of college and worked fri nights - sunday nights as an au pair in the hamptons and then the upper west side my first two years in NY, all while living *with* my direct boss and sharing a room with her 7 year old daughter. So much of my millennial hunger came from the need to catapult myself out of that situation, and only in the last few years have I given myself the grace of like - ok that situation was literally forged FOR me in so many ways by the economy, societal trends, political realities, whatever. So I hope you give yourself the same grace as you pursue your job hunt. And I am rooting for you and hope you find the industry/role/compensation everything that feels like a good and fair fit.
Of course, quote the summary - thank you and flattered. And your senior thesis sounds super interesting, and can't wait for the piece about anti-work books. Simone Stolzoff who is also on substack, and who I went to school with, wrote this book. I went to one of his launch events and if you havent heard of him or it, worth a peek! https://www.amazon.com/Good-Enough-Job-Reclaiming-Life/dp/059353896X
Wow, I turned 40 last July and every single word resonated with me! My cranio sacral therapist, my martial arts instructors - spreading this same message. Swing the pendulum- dare to “take too good care of yourself.” Write down your priorities over the next 3-6 months and question why it’s your priority. Does it have to do with achievement and projecting worthiness? What if we are inherently good and worthy without all the chasing to achieve? What could life look like? That’s the big question and shift in our collective narrative for 2025. Amazing post as always Ali!
Ty for sharing Ami! and I absolutelyyyy love this: "Write down your priorities over the next 3-6 months and question why it’s your priority. Does it have to do with achievement and projecting worthiness? What if we are inherently good and worthy without all the chasing to achieve?" I totally agree this is THE shift in our collective consciousness for 2025 (whose getting woowoo NOW?!) and I'm so here for it. I'm still insanely curious as to why now - why 2025? why not 2024? why not 2023? you'd think the years immediately trailing the pandemic would've been more ripe for this, but for some reason, it's now. Curious what has shifted for you. And ty so much for reading.
For me, it's a parenting shift (my kids are in elementary school and very active in sports, they don't need me the same way they did for their first 5-8 years) and their core beliefs are starting to show through.
Also, exhaustion around blaming external sources and chasing something that's unattainable. Maybe after this milestone, I'll feel whole; if I throw myself in this and give 150%, I'll feel whole; if I go to every soccer game and football game, I'll feel like an amazing parent... patterned behavior recognition.
Kids reflect back their caregivers so clearly - at some point, you recognize their pain points as yours and come to a fork in the road. It's extremely hard and painful to do the work.
There is so much collective hurt (see social media, political division, news cycle, tribe you're with us or against us). I want to embrace our shared humanity and model sustained growth.
wow 😮💨 this was really powerful to read. hearing a parent’s perspective is genuinely so eye opening to me so I really appreciate you sharing this in detail. I tend to keep my lens pretty tight on “being the kid” because I myself am not a parent and totally had achievement-focused parenting when I was young. I don’t feel qualified to speak about the other angles, which is why I love substack and hearing from readers like you. What you’re sharing about modeling behaviors, watching your children’s core beliefs start to show, noticing your own exhaustion around attaching a sense of “wholeness” to milestones or gold star stuff now as a parent - not necessarily as a worker/employee, but the ingrained mentality being the exact same - it’s so insightful. I’m sure the fact that you’re so aware of all this makes you an incredible role model and so many of us would pay a zillion dollars to have had this type of parenting or be caregiving the way you are.
If you're open to learning more about reparenting yourself, acknowledging and healing all your parts, I would highly recommend reading "The Body Keeps the Score" (must read for everyone IMHO) and "Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors." Both are revolutionary in the world of human healing. I always wanted to study Psychology and these books are deep dives. Have a peaceful, restorative Sunday!
I LOVE that this is finally a thing! I stopped chasing money and societal success a long time ago. And let me tell you, I’ve lost tons of “friends.” Been ignored by old co-workers when I spoke to them at my significantly less cool new job. I even think some thought I had given up, and tried to coerce me into other, very unholy lines of work (if you know what I mean.)
I live frugally, but I sleep like a baby every night. My body is relaxed, no tension. And at 40, I’m proud to say, I only have 1 wrinkle.
I absolutely love this. It hits the nail on the head. And the fact I’m reading this while walking on my walking pad to be “productive” with my downtime is both ironic but also the epitome of these things being so deeply rooted in our core. It’s like we’ve all suddenly woken up and gone…hold on…HOLD ON!
I FEEL THIS! I’m currently trying to do a similar 180. Back in 2020 I got laid off from my entertainment industry job, that I loved but paid poorly, and had to pivot into something stable and profitable to survive. After five years of consistent growth in this path, I want that joy back. I thought I could just lock in and clock in, but I feel more disengaged than ever and it’s time to make a big change.
I definitely subscribe to the “to each their own” mindset and while this approach to life and achievement didnt “work” for me long term, I also know many who still live this way! It will be interesting to hear if they ever share insights/their POV from the frontlines of this lifestyle as time goes on and love it, or if they too end up finding that it burns them out and desensitizes them. WE SHALL SEE!
I agree with you. I should have mentioned that I'm a projector in Human Design, so I also think that's why this model is not for me. However, maybe it could work for some people who have consistent energy. As you said, we'll definitely see!
what’s so funny is i got my birth time wrong when i first got my human design reading so for almost two years i moved like a manifesting generator or whatever - simply because i put my birth time in as PM versus AM by mistake… I did it again two years later, correctly this time, and 😮💨😮💨😮💨 thank GOD. Because I felt like something was wronggggg with me. I do NOT have sustained life force energy like that 🤣
Oh. My. Goodness. This is SO spot-on. I can't even tell you how seen/heard I feel. Thank you for articulating this crossroads so beautifully. I'll be quoting it for months to come as I navigate this transition of my own.
I moved to NYC right out of college in 2009. The Ivy League school to "pick-me" corporate pipeline was so real—and it wasn't until the pandemic that I was able to take a step back from a fast-paced marketing role at a hyper-growth startup and ask myself whether these were corporate ladders I even wanted to be climbing.
It's been an ongoing journey. Grateful for voices like yours that help others feel less alone! 💕
totally an ongoing journey. thank you for reading and sharing. I am still super curious as to why now seems like the big transition point for so many, will have to keep digging. But I think for a lot of people the pandemic reinforced survival mode in a way, and now a few years out, it feels like a lot of folks truly breathe and do this reassessment with more distance from the chaos of it all. curious what you are doing now? <3
I wish I had the answer—just wrote about it in my first Substack, too, so it's def top of mind! I think for so many of us, the pandemic put things into perspective and showed us what a slowing down and realignment of priorities could look like without work at the center—without the constant "shoulds" about our careers. I agree with you that we're sort of collectively processing now that we've had time away from the chaos.
I'm currently writing a book (a YA novel) and doing some marketing/content/social consulting on the side. I may end up back in-house at some point, but am so grateful for the time and space to regroup on my own terms!
love it! i’m legit working on a book as well and consulting on the side. work twins :) so excited for you and wishing you all the best!!!
Love it!!! Right back atcha. 🫶
I’ve never felt like a millennial before until now. I’m on the cusp between generation X and millennial, but millennials weren’t defined yet when I was young. I rebelled early and went into freelance theater and film production and followed my passion. But in school I was a very high achiever. I always wondered why my career seemed to stall, when I finally chose it but literally 9/11 happened and all production left NYC and everything changed. Then the 2008 recession happened, and I felt bad for the new graduates but I had 7 years of experience to lean on so I was doing ok, but I was still paying off student loans, so I could never buy even the tiniest place.
Decades later, moving out of the big city worked for me. Scaling down the big dreams after achieving what I thought I wanted makes me very happy. I have a 1 bedroom townhouse with a tiny mortgage, that I luckily bought months before the pandemic.
If it’s right for you, you don’t miss it after you leave, and if you do you can always go back.
I love this: "If it’s right for you, you don’t miss it after you leave, and if you do you can always go back."
Because I think as millennials, also, we were so fixated on making the RIGHT decisions and there was this intense belief that if we went one way, everything in our lives would change course forever. But life doesn't work that way, to your point! You can experiment, move, try new things, scale down, rebuild in a new direction and RETURN if you want/need to. Obviously, much hustle required to make that return, but if any generation can do it, it's us.
Thank you for sharing your story and reminding me, and anyone who reads this, that the focus should be on figuring out what YOU need at any given time and what makes you happy, and that there's no harm in changing your mind on the other side, if that day ever comes!
Okay, but you didn’t need to be so loud. 🥲
sorry Jess 🥹🫶
Reading this after a 10:30 AM joyful Saturday AM dance cardio class 🥹
WE LOVE TO SEE IT
Oof, this newsletter hit me straight in my millennial heart. I've been going through a similar awakening after 7 years limping along having a full-time in tech + writing books. I can truly confirm that most people I know in NYC are at the cusp of it as well. Feels like a true reckoning!
omg the phrase “limping along” - so good. truly encapsulates what the chase can feel like when it isn’t fulfilling in and of itself and instead we are just pursuing the identity it brings or the credibility it gives us. glad to hear you feel like you’re coming out of it and so are those around you! i think that second part is important because we are so influenced by our peers and what they want and value. so if our peer group is in this larger awakening and transition, it gives everyone the inspiration and permission to have their individual reset versus feeling guilty or crazy or lazy or whatever 🫡🖤
This is very insightful and spot on! I spent 2023 resetting my entire life after having a baby and having no way to bridge my previous hustle life with being a parent. It’s embarrassing it took that extreme of a change to even consider the sustainability of that life.
2 years later I’m in a very different, fulfilling and pleasurable place.
Thank you for putting this into words.
LOVE THAT FOR YOU. totally hear you re: how tf do I bridge this massive change with my old life??? and feeling like, why did it take THIS EVENT to find a pace that's more sustainable and peaceful? but i think a lot of people don't "break" or make a significant shift until things get SUPER unmanageable, they hobble along in the middle, dealing with mild misery. It's much harder to make a big change when things are mediocre, much easier to make a big change when things feel completely off or impossible to reconcile!!!! excited for your new chapter! and TY for reading Sara!
This was a great piece. You nailed it and I think a lot of millennials are going thru this phase. I agree that 2020 started a collective reset. I think it will keep growing.
i hope so! TY for reading :)
I love your writing style and as a Gen-Z person this put a lot of the economy and societal trends into perspective for me. I write a lot about struggling with the job market, cost of living, not being able to move out of family home, etc. It's interesting to see where and how a lot of this started, 2008 and 9/11 definitely make sense. I wrote my English senior thesis on "Millennial Literature" and read a lot of "Kids These Days" -- Harris's writing is marvelous and the book was very eye-opening for me. I'm writing a post soon about anti-work books and I'd love to quote your summary of KTD.
I am also happy to read the news that a lot of millennials are stopping this nonsense! I think my generation is pretty equally split between not caring as much abt work while also still grinding like mad because it's so competitive, but philosophically I think most/a lot of us want to do what's best for how we feel, whether it's picking an industry we actually like, or if we're just working for money, at least ensuring we're getting paid and treated fairly, etc. looking forward to more of your work! i like how you change up form and work in quotes and other articles/books.
Femcel! First of all, ok - I adore your newsletter focus and your writing. It reminds me a lot of my early-to-mid-20s grind and the loop of lightly misanthropic thoughts I had playing in my head at all times, but also all the insane adventures I had and the creativity and humor and glee and anger and frustration and horniness and everythingness I felt inside me at all times. You are SO talented and hysterical and raw and I too really look fwd to more of your work.
I graduated with 40k+ in student debt, secured a 30K a year job in media out of college and worked fri nights - sunday nights as an au pair in the hamptons and then the upper west side my first two years in NY, all while living *with* my direct boss and sharing a room with her 7 year old daughter. So much of my millennial hunger came from the need to catapult myself out of that situation, and only in the last few years have I given myself the grace of like - ok that situation was literally forged FOR me in so many ways by the economy, societal trends, political realities, whatever. So I hope you give yourself the same grace as you pursue your job hunt. And I am rooting for you and hope you find the industry/role/compensation everything that feels like a good and fair fit.
Of course, quote the summary - thank you and flattered. And your senior thesis sounds super interesting, and can't wait for the piece about anti-work books. Simone Stolzoff who is also on substack, and who I went to school with, wrote this book. I went to one of his launch events and if you havent heard of him or it, worth a peek! https://www.amazon.com/Good-Enough-Job-Reclaiming-Life/dp/059353896X
xx
Wow, I turned 40 last July and every single word resonated with me! My cranio sacral therapist, my martial arts instructors - spreading this same message. Swing the pendulum- dare to “take too good care of yourself.” Write down your priorities over the next 3-6 months and question why it’s your priority. Does it have to do with achievement and projecting worthiness? What if we are inherently good and worthy without all the chasing to achieve? What could life look like? That’s the big question and shift in our collective narrative for 2025. Amazing post as always Ali!
Ty for sharing Ami! and I absolutelyyyy love this: "Write down your priorities over the next 3-6 months and question why it’s your priority. Does it have to do with achievement and projecting worthiness? What if we are inherently good and worthy without all the chasing to achieve?" I totally agree this is THE shift in our collective consciousness for 2025 (whose getting woowoo NOW?!) and I'm so here for it. I'm still insanely curious as to why now - why 2025? why not 2024? why not 2023? you'd think the years immediately trailing the pandemic would've been more ripe for this, but for some reason, it's now. Curious what has shifted for you. And ty so much for reading.
For me, it's a parenting shift (my kids are in elementary school and very active in sports, they don't need me the same way they did for their first 5-8 years) and their core beliefs are starting to show through.
Also, exhaustion around blaming external sources and chasing something that's unattainable. Maybe after this milestone, I'll feel whole; if I throw myself in this and give 150%, I'll feel whole; if I go to every soccer game and football game, I'll feel like an amazing parent... patterned behavior recognition.
Kids reflect back their caregivers so clearly - at some point, you recognize their pain points as yours and come to a fork in the road. It's extremely hard and painful to do the work.
There is so much collective hurt (see social media, political division, news cycle, tribe you're with us or against us). I want to embrace our shared humanity and model sustained growth.
wow 😮💨 this was really powerful to read. hearing a parent’s perspective is genuinely so eye opening to me so I really appreciate you sharing this in detail. I tend to keep my lens pretty tight on “being the kid” because I myself am not a parent and totally had achievement-focused parenting when I was young. I don’t feel qualified to speak about the other angles, which is why I love substack and hearing from readers like you. What you’re sharing about modeling behaviors, watching your children’s core beliefs start to show, noticing your own exhaustion around attaching a sense of “wholeness” to milestones or gold star stuff now as a parent - not necessarily as a worker/employee, but the ingrained mentality being the exact same - it’s so insightful. I’m sure the fact that you’re so aware of all this makes you an incredible role model and so many of us would pay a zillion dollars to have had this type of parenting or be caregiving the way you are.
If you're open to learning more about reparenting yourself, acknowledging and healing all your parts, I would highly recommend reading "The Body Keeps the Score" (must read for everyone IMHO) and "Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors." Both are revolutionary in the world of human healing. I always wanted to study Psychology and these books are deep dives. Have a peaceful, restorative Sunday!
I LOVE that this is finally a thing! I stopped chasing money and societal success a long time ago. And let me tell you, I’ve lost tons of “friends.” Been ignored by old co-workers when I spoke to them at my significantly less cool new job. I even think some thought I had given up, and tried to coerce me into other, very unholy lines of work (if you know what I mean.)
I live frugally, but I sleep like a baby every night. My body is relaxed, no tension. And at 40, I’m proud to say, I only have 1 wrinkle.
I absolutely love this. It hits the nail on the head. And the fact I’m reading this while walking on my walking pad to be “productive” with my downtime is both ironic but also the epitome of these things being so deeply rooted in our core. It’s like we’ve all suddenly woken up and gone…hold on…HOLD ON!
I FEEL THIS! I’m currently trying to do a similar 180. Back in 2020 I got laid off from my entertainment industry job, that I loved but paid poorly, and had to pivot into something stable and profitable to survive. After five years of consistent growth in this path, I want that joy back. I thought I could just lock in and clock in, but I feel more disengaged than ever and it’s time to make a big change.
Not for all the cachet in the world
I feel this and I feel this around me too. At least we’re all saying we’ve taken enough
I have friends who still live this way BY CHOICE. So sad. Thanks for sharing!
I definitely subscribe to the “to each their own” mindset and while this approach to life and achievement didnt “work” for me long term, I also know many who still live this way! It will be interesting to hear if they ever share insights/their POV from the frontlines of this lifestyle as time goes on and love it, or if they too end up finding that it burns them out and desensitizes them. WE SHALL SEE!
I agree with you. I should have mentioned that I'm a projector in Human Design, so I also think that's why this model is not for me. However, maybe it could work for some people who have consistent energy. As you said, we'll definitely see!
IMMA PROJECTOR TOO 🥹
YAAAAAAAY! I knew it without even knowing it, LOL.
what’s so funny is i got my birth time wrong when i first got my human design reading so for almost two years i moved like a manifesting generator or whatever - simply because i put my birth time in as PM versus AM by mistake… I did it again two years later, correctly this time, and 😮💨😮💨😮💨 thank GOD. Because I felt like something was wronggggg with me. I do NOT have sustained life force energy like that 🤣
Thank God INDEED! Wishing you a restful rest of the day. <3